Trying to hold it together; Keep my love as light as a feather


So lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time alone in our apartment. My puppies and I chill out in the bedroom while I watch a copious amount of youtube and drink way too much jasmine green tea. It’s been making me think about when I used to live with my mom and do this same thing, but with her in the other room. I used to spend most of my time doing this, and then I would ride my bike, walk or run outside a lot. Sometimes I would hang out with my sister as well.

Tim recently got a job, and he has to go an hour away for a short amount of time to train for it. So that means he leaves at 7/8 am, and comes back at 7pm. Since I’m a Fibromalgic person, I generally don’t sleep until 1 or 2 am, and I don’t wake up until 9 or 10 am. Tim goes to sleep around 10/11 pm. This means in an average day, I see him for 3 hours. I guess I’m not used to it because for a while there he wasn’t working and he was around a lot..but it’s all been very difficult. I want him to work, no doubt about that, and I’m so proud that he is working. I just kind of feel like a fish that’s been put into a new environment, with cold water very suddenly. It doesn’t help that I’ve been in a lot of pain, and that makes it hard for me to do much of anything. Plus, the meds I take make me drowsy, so most of the time I’m stuck on the computer or my phone.

I guess I’ve been put in a frustrating position, and that is a waiting one.  I would be doing so much better if his hours were even 8, but this whole 10 hour thing is too much. I find myself dealing with Flare ups completely alone, and knowing that makes it even worse. I will just miss him and want him to hold me. I must keep reminding myself that this is temporary, but it’s just hard to deal with it right now. For now I will will take my meds, sip my tea, and watch something lighthearted.


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