Sorry It’s been a while since I posted, but things have been rather hectic lately. Christmas has passed, and now we are in the new year. I’ve been pretty honest with you all about my pain medicine, as It is a medicine that I take for the right reason. I have no reason to hide it, and I find it unfortunate that words like “oxy”, “Morphine”, or really anything other than Advil is a dirty word. When my doctor first started prescribing me my oxy, he informed me that he couldn’t do it long term, and if this was part of a longterm treatment plan, that I would have to find a different doctor. I understood, and he continued to fill my prescription for months. Right before Christmas, I called in to get a refill, and I was informed that I would have to find another doctor. My time with them was up, and suddenly, I was left with very little medicine and a lot of anxiety. I was calling doctor after doctor to try and find anyone that would take me in, and this was not an easy task. I’m still waiting for a doctor to come back from vacation so that I can see him.
This holiday season has been a big struggle for me. I’ve gone from taking four 10 mg a day, to two 5 mg tablets a day, and I’m barely functioning. At one point, crying in pain, My boyfriend took me to a new E.R. and the doctor I saw was so cruel to me, he was a line away from calling me a junkie. “You don’t come here for that, you are in charge of your meds. Find a new dealer within the next 48 hours. I don’t wanna see you here ever again, okay?” He yelled and then slammed the door before I could even get a word in. My boyfriend helped me out of the hospital sobbing my eyes out, still in pain, both body and mind.
This kind of treatment for people with chronic pain makes me sick. It’s inhumane to talk to someone like that or to judge someone based on their illness. We are not drug seekers, we aren’t junkies, we don’t enjoy this.
Right now I’m in the middle of just trying to hold on, stay calm, and find people that understand. Good hearted people, who want to come up with a longterm plan for me. In the mean time I’ll turn my heating pad on, take an anxitey pill, two Advil, and sip on some Jasmine green tea.
Stay strong, and don’t ever let anyone take away your sparkle.