Tim has Bipolar Disorder, which leads him to go into bouts of depression. Even though he is medicated, there are still manic and depressive episodes that happen. Today was Halloween. I dressed up as a Unicorn and he dressed up as a cool dark Skeleton/death/ unique all black costume. We trick or treated a bit before my Fibro kicked in and told me to go back home. It wasn’t a big deal, we still had fun, and spend the rest of the night relaxing and watching one of Tim’s Favorite shows. Mug brownies, candy, chips, Vegan Mac and Cheese; I enjoyed myself! In my eyes, it was a very good day.
However when we went to lay down, something was off about my Puffin. He seemed a little distant and standoffish. I would start talking about positive dreams I had for our future home, and he kept shutting them down, not even jokingly. I would ask him to come up with other fun ideas and he just wasn’t up for joining in. I figured maybe he wasn’t in the mood for chatting right away so I checked my phone for a bit, and then scrolled over to vine for a bit. Usually vine breaks the ice and can loosen Tim up a bit. I heard him laughing at some of the clips, so soon I lightly pounced wanting to cuddle with my Puffin. He was still acting odd, and I was starting to think i had done something wrong. He wasn’t smiling and when i asked him what was wrong me moodily shrugged. This is where I started biting my lip with anxiety. I had to have done something wrong right?
We just were lying there for what felt like forever, looking at each other occasionally. I asked him if there was something I could do, and he seemed slightly annoyed at this concept. “What do you mean?” he would say, “I..um..well I wanted to just talk to you about ya know, light stuff. ” I responded. He shot me a look as if I should have already known what he was about to say, “I have nothing to say.” The monotone in his voice worried me, because didn’t know where he was mentally right then. Again, lay still for a while, he closed his eyes, while mine where wide open searching for something to say. Finally, with teary eyes I kissed his lips and my love opened his eyes “I’m sorry you are sad, and I’m sorry If I did anything to cause i-” before I could even finish, Tim stopped me, “No, No, Honey, you did nothing wrong..” He grabbed my shaking jaw lightly in his hands ,”..Don’t ever think that, you are perfect my darling. I love you so much.” I burst out in the tears I had been holding and tried to mumble things through tears like “..B-but I wish I could help you..I wish there was something I can do.” He shushed and hushed me like a caring lover should and quickly calmed me. “Sweety, I just get like this somethings you know? There’s nothing you did, don’t ever think that.” I nodded and kissed him multiple times. I asked him if he needed sleep (Which he said yes) and I said I would hang out on my phone with him until he feel asleep I love my Puffin with all of my heart, and I make it my mission to be as helpful as possible with his own issues. Sometimes Tim feels sad and he has no idea why. That’s okay, it’s going to happen. As time go on I will learn how to deal with it even better, but soon will make a full list of tips when your Lover is Bipolar..If anyone’s interested 😉