Breathe – A Chronic illness Pep Talk

Hey guys, I uploaded a new video a few days ago! This kind of video style is something I’ve been wanting to do for a while, and I would really appreciate your feedback 🙂 The past few days have been rough, but I’m working on staying positive.

Soft hugs

XOXO

Emily

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Painting to keep busy.

Hi guys! I’m sorry there’s been a big space between the last post and this one, but I think it’s time I come back and chat. I’ve been doing a lot of painting lately. My paint collection has grown from a crayola watercolor pallet, to countless tubes of paint, brushes, and canvases all around the apartment! (Thanks to Tim!)

I’ve always been uncontrollably creative, and that comes out of any outlet it can. Singing has always been my passion, but since that has been difficult for me to do with my fatigue, I took up painting. I like using watercolors, but mainly acrylics.

I’ve put a few of my paintings up for sale on this new site I found, and I’m thinking about selling prints of work that I do on paper at some point. I haven’t sold anything yet, but I cross my fingers!

{ Click here to view my buyable artwork }

Be Kind, Always.

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Sorry It’s been a while since I posted, but things have been rather hectic lately. Christmas has passed, and now we are in the new year. I’ve been pretty honest with you all about my pain medicine, as It is a medicine that I take for the right reason. I have no reason to hide it, and I find it unfortunate that words like “oxy”, “Morphine”, or really anything other than Advil is a dirty word. When my doctor first started prescribing me my oxy, he informed me that he couldn’t do it long term, and if this was part of a longterm treatment plan, that I would have to find a different doctor. I understood, and he continued to fill my prescription for months. Right before Christmas, I called in to get a refill, and I was informed that I would have to find another doctor. My time with them was up, and suddenly, I was left with very little medicine and a lot of anxiety. I was calling doctor after doctor to try and find anyone that would take me in, and this was not an easy task. I’m still waiting for a doctor to come back from vacation so that I can see him.

This holiday season has been a big struggle for me. I’ve gone from taking four 10 mg a day, to two 5 mg tablets a day, and I’m barely functioning. At one point, crying in pain, My boyfriend took me to a new E.R. and the doctor I saw was so cruel to me, he was a line away from calling me a junkie. “You don’t come here for that, you are in charge of your meds. Find a new dealer within the next 48 hours. I don’t wanna see you here ever again, okay?” He yelled and then slammed the door before I could even get a word in. My boyfriend helped me out of the hospital sobbing my eyes out, still in pain, both body and mind.

This kind of treatment for people with chronic pain makes me sick. It’s inhumane to talk to someone like that or to judge someone based on their illness. We are not drug seekers, we aren’t junkies, we don’t enjoy this.

Right now I’m in the middle of just trying to hold on, stay calm, and find people that understand. Good hearted people, who want to come up with a longterm plan for me. In the mean time I’ll turn my heating pad on, take an anxitey pill, two Advil, and sip on some Jasmine green tea.

Stay strong, and don’t ever let anyone take away your sparkle.

XOXO

Emily

Staying Positive with Chronic Pain

When my close friends or family asks how I’m doing (If they know about my illness) I’ll usually reply honestly. “Nothing’s really changed much, dealing with a lot, but staying positive.” When I was younger and even now, my mother, who has her own hurricane of problems, would reply a lot differently. She would lower her voice and with a sigh explain in detail all the bad things happening with her illness. It would automatically bring down the mood in the room, as the opposite person would nod with fake empathy and occasionally go “Aw, what a shame” or “God love you, you poor thing”. Usually when a distant friend or relative asks me how I am, I just lie and say “Good!” to avoid doing what my mother does. But now I realize there is nothing wrong with briefly being honest with closer friends, but still staying on a light note. I usually don’t ever go in to detail unless someone specifically asks, and looking at all my conversations, I tend to do this with most topics.

Staying positive doesn’t mean pretending that you are fine when you are in pain all the time, it’s learning to accept that you are. It’s learning to laugh in a horribly decorated doctors office, or noticing the pretty colors of your meds. (Mine are pink, blue and white 🙂 It’s knowing your limit, laying down and knowing that’s okay. Watching your favorite movie during a flare up. Looking at pintrest in your favorite sections when you can’t sleep. Taking about the struggles you are having, and then letting go.

And yes; being positive also means that when my mother sends me seven long texts about everything bad that is happening, I simply say “I’m sorry you are going through a tough time” and I send her a uplifting picture like this one:

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